Ultima Edition
by XPlatypus
Summary: Agent P gets a strange email from someone who wants him in a fighting life. I wanted it, so I made it happen. That's right. Perry the Platypus joins Super Smash Bros. Brawl.
1. Come Get Me

Chapter 1

My name is Perry, and most would call me an ordinary platypus. The fact is, I'm not. I am living a double life as a secret agent. Let me tell you a story about how I became a Smash Brother. It all started one day while I was in my lair, using my day off to manage mixed files on my computer, when I got an email from someone called: Meta Smasher 64. It said: "You have been accepted into Super Smash Bros. Brawl due to your over-exceptional work as a secret agent. 2 members of our Smash Team will arrive at your underground residence tomorrow at 11:30 PM, Eastern Standard time. You will then be escorted onboard a cruiseship to Smash Stadium, and will be given instructions when you arrive. Thank you for your time, Meta Knight." I could barely process what I just read. Here's what I got: I was being forced into some brawling life and didn't really have a choice. "They'll have to get through me if they want to take me." I thought. I cracked my knuckles. "And that's going to be pretty hard."

The next night, after my family went to bed, I got out 10 traps and put them all around my lair. Then I got my shotgun out of my vault and loaded it with 2 stun shells. I only use bullets when I'm hunting, because I don't want to hurt anyone. Around 11:28, someone came down the green entrance tube, completely walking past the invisible bear trap, and another came out of my elevator in my lair. 2 things walked up to me; a short, winged, masked figure in a cape, and a blue and black- uh, animal, with spikes jutting from his paws and chest. The caped figure was holding a gold sword and said: "I'm Meta Knight, the one who emailed you." The black and blue animal spoke up. "I'm Lucario, and you must come with us to Smash Stadium to begin brawling." I glared at them. "I'm not going anywhere, and you can't make me." I pumped my shotgun. Lucario glared right back. "Well if you want to play that game, then-" I shot Lucario in the leg. "I don't care who you are, or what you want, but I'm giving you a chance to get out of here." Lucario was now on the ground, holding his leg, but not because of pain. "Meta! I can't feel my leg! Tranquilize him!" Meta Knight frowned. "Can't I use the ballistic knives?" Meta whinned. "No, stupid! That will kill him!" My eyes widened. This guy's got ballistic knives?! I thought while pumping my shotgun again. Meta Knight pulled a Colt .45 black pistol out from under his cape. I strapped my weapon onto my back and flipped backwards towards my chair. I shot at Meta but missed, and barricaded myself behind my chair. While I was reloading, I didn't realize that part of me was in sight until I felt a sharp jolt of pain in my left webbed foot. It started to go numb, and I felt really drowsy but tried best I could to stay awake. Meta Knight and Lucario came over, and Lucario picked me up. Before I could resist, a wave of sleep hit me.


	2. Chains, cuffs and cages

When I woke up I realized that I was on the ground, body in chains, and handcuffed inside a cage. Wow. When these guys don't want people to escape, they don't play around. When I looked around, which was hard, since I was in chains, I saw that I was surrounded by some pretty strange things. One was a giant yellow mouse with a bolt-shaped tail, a clothed fox with many gadgets equipped on him, a small, green, big-nosed dino, and a red-capped… penguin? And Lucario. "Uh… what time is it?" was all I could think to say. "2:36." The dinosaur said in a squishy voice. Holy crap! I'd been unconscious for over 3 hours! "So, um, am I just going to sit here in chains, or do I get to do anything?" I said to them. "We can't let you out until we arrive at the stadium. But if you take a pill that not let you resist going with us, we'll let you out." Said Fox. I frowned. "You really think I'll just let you drug me?" Fox chuckled. "Well, you wouldn't believe how desperate some people can get. Some would kill just to get out of your position. And believe me, if I were ever trapped like that, I know I would be being for mercy after just 10 minutes." I thought about how I could get free without taking that pill. Then I had a great idea. "Alright, I'll take it." I shot at them. Lucario stared at me then raised his eyebrows. "Really? The great _Agent P_ is giving in just for his release? I'm surprised." I cringed at the way he said _Agent P._ But I sucked it up and faked my way out of those chains. "Just give me the pill, Fox." I ordered. Fox obeyed and pulled a red little capsule from his pocket. "You have to chew it, too." he said. He put it in my bill and I pretended to chew it, and made a disgusted look on my face for emphasis. Everyone watched closely as I "chewed" it, and then swallowed. I didn't feel any different, which was what I was hoping for. I lied and said: "Woah, am I ready to brawl or what?" Everyone looked around at each other with surprise in their eyes, and then Fox said, "Alright, here we go." He pulled out 3 large skeleton keys and first unlocked the cage, then unlocked my chains, and then cuffs. It felt good to be free, since I had just been in bondage for the last 3 hours. "So, how's this going to work? Do I get paid for fighting someone then go home, or what?" The dinosaur spoke up in that oh-so-squishy voice of his. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. One does not simply just _fight someone_ , then collect his prize and leave. You have to get to the Final Destination, then beat Master Hand. _Then_ you can brawl regularly. After getting your payment, of course." I grinned "How much do I get?" Big-nose thought about that. "Well, when I got through classic mode, I got like, 3000 coins. Which is about 2.5 million U.S. dollars." My eyes widened and I whistled. "Sweet mercy, I'd be freaking rich!" Lucario added, "Yep, along with the other 66 brawlers, which of course includes everyone you see in this room. So we're all famous, and soon you will be, too. Wait, you already are famous. I mean, we saw like, all of your videos online." That caught my attention. "Wait, like, all of them?" Lucario must have noticed the panic in my expression, because then he really started to beef up the moment. And that of course made me even more worked up. "Oh yes, even the 'Perry the Platypus dances it up' video on Dailymotion. That made me cry it was so hilarious!" _Good heck_ , I thought. "Heh, yeah I wonder how many people actually saw that." Fox said. "Whatever." I said. "And by the way, what are you guys' names? I do know _Lucario_." I said Lucario with bold disgust. I hadn't liked him since I'd met him. Dino piped up first. "I'm Yoshi, and that's Fox, Pikachu, and King Dedede." The mouse creature shouted out: "Pika!" I had a nagging feeling that all he said was his name. "How the program works is like this: we enter your name in the system, and it tracks your information, then determines your skill level so it can match you with someone equally capable of fighting you. Recently, your skill level had scored you an 11 out of 12." Fox explained. "And your's?" I asked with a smirk. "Nine." He said grimly. "Who am I up against?" "A bounty hunter named Jango Fett. He's a level 10, and he's pretty darn good." _"You have arrived."_ A speaker blared out. Fox's ears perked up. "Oh sweet, we're here!"


End file.
